Why I Haven’t Been Blogging
In late December 2016, blogging goals and plans were all the focus as I prepared for the new year, The last thing I had in my plans was a hiatus! I was in the throes of writing a blog post about my optimistic outlook and goals for 2017. My plan of action was in order and I was raring to go! Then life threw me a hard blow.
An Unexpected Turn
A few day before the new year began, my father suddenly became ill. He was admitted into the hospital right after the new year. Tests were performed and surgery was scheduled for the following day. Our family was very concerned but positive that he would recover. He himself expected to be back at home in a matter of days and went out of his way to downplay any seriousness. Before being taken into surgery, he saw the concerned look on my face and tried to assure me that everything will be fine.
He came through the surgery. He slowly started feeling and looking better. Preparations were being made to move him to a rehabilitation facility to continue his recovery. Out of nowhere things took an unexpected turn. His heart stopped and he had to be resuscitated…..twice. His condition continued to decline from there. On a cold Tuesday morning, in his 81st year of life, Dad peacefully took his last breath. It was devastating.
Out of those 81 years, 58 were spent married to my mom, the love of his life. Together they worked hard providing a good home and life for me and my brother.
My love for reading came from my dad. He made THE BEST pancakes in the world. No one’s barbecue sauce tasted better than his, as far as I was concerned. He taught me how to ride a bike. He tried to teach me how to drive but clearly did not have the heart or patience for that – lol!! From him I learned about true strength as he fought to live during his last days. He loved golf, football, books, all kinds of music and a good movie. During the holidays, he enjoyed eating and taking plenty of photos of his grandchildren.
Back to Life, Back to Blogging
The past few months have been spent grieving and adjusting to life without him. We will no longer see him sitting in his favorite chair watching TV. There will be no more texts from him. That loud booming voice is no more. We will never again see him on this earth. The grief was almost unbearable during the first few weeks. My heart ached for my mom as she tried her best to comfort everyone else. I never cried so much in my entire life.
Then one night, not too long ago, I had a dream about my dad. He looked so young and handsome as he made clear to me that he wanted something very specific done. He made me guess what he wanted and when I did, he firmly said, “YES, YES!!” I woke up immediately and strongly felt his presence. After that dream, my heart started to feel lighter. A few days later, I realized that I could talk about him without bursting into tears. I gradually started doing some of the things that I enjoy including blogging.
Things are slowly getting back to what I call a “new normal.” As much as losing him hurts, I’m sure that wherever my dad is, it’s not easy for him to see and feel our grief. His visit in my dream was not only for making his wishes known to me but to also ease my heart. It feels wonderful that, with God’s help, he is still providing comfort and care from beyond.
This “new normal” is still very fresh but I’m hoping that getting back to life and blogging will provide healing and a happy distraction. I know that my dad would want it that way.